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Tác giả Chủ đề: write to my son  (Đọc 5040 lần)
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BY
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« vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 14, 2009, 09:53:08 PM »

LeStrange,

I blindly try to encourage my son to practice meditation using the small of yellow light as the object of meditation . I wonder if there is anything you can write to him to help him find peace and want to practice meditation . He is incarcerated .

If it's not the right time to help him, I understand.

I hope you feel well soon .

Thank you LeStrange.

BY .
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Catherine Lestrange
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« Trả lời #1 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 16, 2009, 09:14:48 PM »

BY,
I'm very sorry to tell you that even if I teach him he will not have the attitude to practice it. I really don't want to sound so negative but that is what it is. But I do want you to encourage him to keep saying nam mo cau sam hoi bo tat ma ha tat in his head to at least help him. I hope you understand BY please don't get your hopes too high.
But this is all you and I can do to help him. I bet you have done all you could to help and encourage him. But the way he thinks is different from what we think and its hard. Please explain to him that saying nam mo cau sam hoi bo tat ma ha tat would release his anger and sadness deep inside him and letting go his karma from past and present. Tell him that doing this would make him not happier but more at peace with his mind, actions, soul, and body.
Waiting for your reply, Lestrange.
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BY
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« Trả lời #2 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 07:11:42 AM »

Hello LeStrange,

Will do ... I will ask him to pray ...

It is comforting to know that you know (somebody knows) that I have done the best I (a person) can do to help my son . His anger directs at me for reasons outside of me and unrelated to me . This is why I am helpless in helping my son .

I have two sons . William, my oldest son, is very sweet and calm, and he refuses to meet his dad . Jonathan is my youngest son, and he is more than upset with his dad - for his being , doing , behaving , acting , etc... If I'm right, Jonathan is obsessed with wanting to fix his dad but finds himself helpless in helping his dad . In psychology , it is called "reverse role" . I believe that my son can only be helped if and when he lets go of his expectation and hope to save his dad , thus letting go of the source of his upset .

His late girlfriend and her family introduced Jonathan to Christian. He finds comfort in reading the Bible . I'm certain that Jonathan has a bad taste for Buddhism because his dad is a proud Buddhist and practices meditation . So my buddhist talk would not work for Jonathan but I tried anyway . I sent him a translation of how to practice meditation using light (fire) that Anh HL explained .

Without strong attitude , self-discipline , and firm actions , I can not live in peace nor have a normal life . Things have been more than challenging in my life , and I simply live it and keep things in balance . I have had to live with the way that the Serenity Prayer writes:
======
Higher Power , grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change ;
The courage to change the things I can ;
And the wisdom to know the difference .
======

Hope Anh HL , Be Hat Tieu , and you feel better soon .

Thank you LeStrange .

BY .
« Sửa lần cuối: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 07:14:43 AM gửi bởi BY » Logged
babong
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« Trả lời #3 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 01:01:05 PM »

Hi Sis BY....After reading your story, I sincerely feel for you and really admire your determination.  This type of situation (a karma) can easily make or induce ones to create "bad" karma.  But you are strong and ride it out well so far.

This is what I learned in Buddhism practice:  "Bồ đề tức Phiền não, Phiền não tức bồ đề".  It is hard to translate this in words, but it kinda tell us that suffering, pain, fear, tension, worry, restlessness, etc. will facilitate and train us to reach Bodhisattva level.  You can help me translate it better (you are really good in both English and Vietnamese).

Like LeStrange has said, you have done your best to help.  But I would try to talk to your son just about compassion, loving, kindness, etc. VICE buddhism and meditation as he already had a bad taste of it or did not get it.  And then let fate takes its own course.

With Metta,

Quang Bui
« Sửa lần cuối: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 01:32:20 PM gửi bởi babong » Logged
BY
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« Trả lời #4 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 02:36:19 PM »

Hello BaBong,

Thank you for your encouragemẹnt . I simply put one foot in front of another , and believe that is a normal way of walking in balance .

BaBong wrote : "Bồ đề tức Phiền não, Phiền não tức bồ đề". 

My translation for the above statement would be : " Insight (tuệ) is Suffering , Suffering is Insight . "  This is basically the Four Noble Truths being said in a different way .

Vipassana (Insight Meditation), 4 Foundations of Meditation, and 5 Aggregates are of the same practice, that is to learn to recognize "Dhamma right in Suffering, Insight right in Suffering". Suffering and Enlightenment are one. The only difference is the View (Right View vs. Wrong View) . Many Vipassana meditators misunderstand and try to find an "good practice" . There isn't any to search for .  "Vi Diệu Pháp" . Put it this way : "My life has given me absolutely no choice but to have to face suffering head on , accept , and maintain peace within ."  If I were to revenge or upset of those who have hurt me in my life , I may have no one left to care for in this life .  Funny !! 

May you practice diligently and attain enlightenment in this very life .

BY .


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babong
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« Trả lời #5 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 03:46:48 PM »


"May you practice diligently and attain enlightenment in this very life ..."

BY .


Thank you very much, Chi BY.   Wish you the same.  And sincerely hope to meet you (and everyone here) in the "Western Paradise" of Amita Buddha after this life...But then, I will fulfill my vow of coming back down again for the salvation of all other sentient beings...;-)

Sarva Mangalam,

Quang B
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Catherine Lestrange
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« Trả lời #6 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 07:47:30 PM »

BY I know you are a strong and smart woman and I'm really proud and happy to meet and talk to you on this website. Your youngest son Jonathan is going through a really tough time with accepting that nobody can ever change a person only the person who is willing to change can change him or herself. It's really hard for him because that is his father and you are right that is reverse role. If he can accept the fact that he can not do anything about his father and that he has done all that he can do he should let it go.
If you look in the blog that I wrote a while back "Things to consider before meditation" I have mentioned this very common problem. What Jonathan needs to do is that he has to ask himself "Have I done all I can to solve the situation?" and if he has he moves on and forgive his father's action and forgive his father as a whole and than he forgets and finds his inner peace and lets go of his frustration.
Just give him time to think about his father the anger and disappointment and hurt will fall but if it rises remind him these questions and tell him that he is repaying his debt from his past life of ignorance of his own father.
If he chooses to be a christian then let him be a christian, because you have opened the window for meditation but this life is not the time for him to peek through.

Don't worry they will get better I'll make sure of it, and I am feeling fine. Thank you my friend.
Lestrange.
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BY
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« Trả lời #7 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 17, 2009, 08:35:10 PM »

Thank you LeStrange.

I will cut & paste your messages and put them in my letter to my son . I will also try to camouflage your words and sugar-coated them with Christian flavor as best as I can .

I think my son is still lucky because this mom does not need his love nor reject him , so I don't add to the fire karma between Jonathan and his dad . I hope that, because I gave birth to him , I might have a slim chance to help guide him to turn inward and seek his inner peace .

I don't understand and don't have the ability to walk the Boddhisatva path , but I really appreciate the help . Maybe, just maybe, after I can finally attain Arahant , I might consider the challenging path of Boddhisatvas . Right now , I am overwhelmed with myself .  Funny !!

Thanks again LeStrange .

BY .

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« Trả lời #8 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 18, 2009, 07:37:07 AM »

Hi Chi BY,

I have been following stories between you and your son and decided to share some thoughts since I’m a Christian myself.  Hopefully these ideas can help pacify the anger within your son’s mind.

Anger is a normal sentiment we feel when something unjust has happened to us, or when someone has let us down or hurt us (whether deliberately or not). We can see many places in the Bible where God becomes angry. This anger usually comes as a reaction to injustice and sin. The problem with anger is not anger itself, but anger that remains unresolved, and that leads to bitterness and unforgiveness.

If we are very hurt and very angry, our anger can overcome us. Bitterness can take on a power all of its own. Bitterness towards the person who has hurt us or let us down leads to hate. This is quite the opposite of love - love being the experience that as Christians we should always aspire to know within us. We need to know God’s love for us. We also need to have a love for other people (Loving-kindness and Compassion – Từ Bi), and we can give this out of the inspirational love that God provides in our lives.

In Mark 11:25, we read of the importance of forgiveness. Forgiveness is described as being necessarily present before we can know the forgiveness of God for our sins. So, first of all, we see that to forgive is an act of obedience. God requires this of us, and surely for a good reason. As God through Christ has forgiven us of so much sin, we need to respect this gift of forgiveness by extending a forgiving attitude towards those that have wronged us. The consequence of us not forgiving others would be an inability for us to know the forgiveness that God has offered us. If we are not merciful as he has been merciful to us, where really is our repentance? How can we claim to have known his grace?

I have been practicing Buddhism for the last three years and found no conflict between the two religions.  As a matter of fact, Buddhism has enhanced my understanding of my own belief.  Once again, I hope my simple thoughts can help your son find peace in his own mind.  One last thought, from your practice of Vipassana (as one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation) when one looks deeply into the mind all emotional or psychological phenomena are “unfindable” because they do not exist independently – there is no inherent existence.  By nature of Samsara we're only reacting to conditions...

Wish you best of luck with your Letter to your son!
Dế Mèn
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BY
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« Trả lời #9 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 18, 2009, 02:00:58 PM »

Thank you LeStrange , Dế Mèn , and Ba Bong for your help .

I need to read your writings again and bring them into my letter to son .

Try best and leave rest to chances (karma).

BY . 
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« Trả lời #10 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 21, 2009, 03:37:36 PM »

Hello De Men and LeStrange ,

Yesterday my son called and talked to me before I have a chance compile another letter for him with De Men's and LeStrange's help . He said he could not sleep for three days because his preoccupation with thinking and recalling the past ....

I'm happy to know that he recognizes things he did not know before . He recognized that his dad chose him to be "a scapegoat since he was 14,15 years old", and that he asked his dad to not visit him anymore . He said he needed to calm his mind so I suggested him to practice meditation with the small dot of light . He agreed to practice "some". I reminded him the lesson of compassion I taught him when he was little , and he asked me to explain to him again . I offered to write more about loving-compassion (Tu Bi), and he said he liked for me to do so . He asked to have his aunt , - the one who practices meditation and has a small white tivi like Anh HL and ca'c Nhi' , - to visit him and talk to him what she likes to tell him . She only talks about Dhamma , and I hope he would listen to her .

I'm happy for each little progress Jonathan makes ....

I wish for him to approach Buddha's Dhamma in this lifetime ....

BY .
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rancon
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« Trả lời #11 vào lúc: Tháng Sáu 22, 2009, 12:00:34 AM »

BY,
Your love for your son is boundless! It warms my heart. For one moment, I wanted to say I wish my mom does the same, but then, she probably does, I just may not know. Perhaps he is getting better because you are always by his side looking over him.
I, sometimes hope that I can put the past behind. Its not easy. Even though every one here has been so kind and encouraged me to start meditation, Im still afraid. Of what, I dont know. I hope with your love, and the family's support, Johnathan will find peace and happiness. Smiley
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